Tools for happiness

 Stewartry u3a member Carolyn shares her approach to life and tips for how to be happier. 

Photo credit: Centre for Ageing Better

We usually look outside of ourselves for happiness and gratification. Buying a new car, going on a holiday, purchasing new clothes brings excitement.  Yes, it does give us a sense happiness to get the car, holiday, clothes we are craving for. However the sense of happiness starts to fade over a few months and we then start looking for the next ‘hit of happiness’. Developing an internal sense of peace, happiness and contentment is much more permanent and satisfying.

Tools to help achieve peace and contentment include being grateful each day for something. Yesterday has gone and tomorrow has not yet arrived; so make the most of today and be present now.

These suggestions are some tools you can use to be happier in your life:

• Make amends and say you are sorry if you have upset or hurt someone. This can be done in person, by phone, by letter or even writing an apology and then burning it or tearing the letter up. Getting the hurt and anger out of you helps release the negative energy and stops it ‘eating’ at you.
• Tell people that you love or like, that you do love or like them. Never assume that they know how you feel (ASSUME makes an ass out of you and me)
• Tell those you love frequently that you love them. It will make them and you feel good.
• ‘Choose your battles’. There are many things that can irritate. Try to ask yourself ‘How important is it?’ Being upset or angry over lots of things or being ‘quick’ to anger only upsets you and can raise your blood pressure and give you a headache. So try to reduce what does not really matter.
• Try to reduce your social media exposure. It is good to know what is going on but you do not need to watch every news channel. Most news is negative, so minimize how much you expose yourself to.
• If you have difficulty getting to sleep at night, try having a warm milky drink. A warm bath can also help to relax you. Switch off computers and stop any work and try to relax for a little while before you go to bed.
• If you find you wake up in the middle of the night with lots of thoughts; try dropping your tongue into the middle of your mouth. Most of us rest the tongue behind our top teeth, touching the roof of the mouth. Dropping your tongue into the ‘cave’ of your mouth will help your thoughts to reduce. In fact you may well find it hard to think! If there is a particular thought bothering you; write it down on a piece of paper that you keep beside the bed so you remember it in the morning. Then lay the pen down and drop your tongue into the cave of your mouth. You can always try counting sheep but that never helped me!!
• Why Worry? Usually worrying or being anxious is about something in the future. Try to keep your mind in the present. You will probably find the thing you are worrying about never happens. Yet you will have spent so much time worrying unnecessarily. Deal with things when and if they do occur.
• If you tend to feel anxious and /or light-headed then think about your ‘cord’. Imagine a cord or rope going from the base of your spine to the center of the Earth. You can make it any colour and imagine any material; from a thick hessian rope to a thin silken thread. Imagine the cord being comfortably snug. Now imagine releasing any anxiety, worry, concern down this cord from you to the center of the Earth where they dissipate harmlessly.
• Smile at someone each day. It takes less facial muscles to smile than to frown and makes you feel better. You may be the one that smiles at a lonely person and uplifts them for their day. You can make a difference.
• Spend 10 to 15 minutes a day sitting by yourself and tuning into that ‘still small voice’ within you. You have a wisdom and knowledge but often we are too busy to check in to that inner wisdom. Turn off the phone, take a few deep breaths and just BE for 10 to 15 minutes. You may well have inspirations or ideas that spring up in the quiet. No fancy position is required. Just sit comfortably with a straight back; arms and legs uncrossed and feet flat on the floor. Make sure you are warm. Take a couple of breaths and try to reduce the number of your thoughts. Like a cloud drifting across the sky; lengthen the time between each cloud appearing. You can do this with children (possibly from 5 years old) as well. A little quiet time is good for them and you may find their anxieties reduce. I find that when I do this I seem to have more ‘green’ traffic lights… My days go more smoothly.

You have the right to be here. You are the creator of your life. Try to live your dream whenever possible. Responsible change can be very healthy. Don’t wait for your holiday or retirement to live life. Enjoy each day or even just a part of it. You have been given the gift of life. Enjoy the Present and live in the Now.

Carolyn has written a book ‘ANGELS SPEAK’ comprising of 50 inspirational talks to help give motivational ideas and guidance for a happier more content life.  This is available now on Amazon.